


Hideaway

by Just_Call_Me_Floss



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, Feelings Realization, Fluff, M/M, Precious, Smut, accidental though, couples retreat, god how do they not realise this yet like wow, oblivious boys, slow-burn, they are both dorks and I love them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2020-05-30 16:24:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19406989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_Call_Me_Floss/pseuds/Just_Call_Me_Floss
Summary: A nice little holiday away - sounds lovely, just what they needed. Originally meant to be a cast holiday but the others are dicks and dropped out. Oh well, Ben and Joe will go. Seems too good to be true! But maybe they should've read the fine print.ORTwo bros, chilling in an old manor which happens to be a couples retreat, only one bed for them, 'cause they're not gay.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here we have an old piece I wanted to work with but once again, I was too optimistic and ended up forgetting about it for months. BUT I found it again so here you go, have this. I've decided to update whenever I finish the next chapter so don't expect any form of structure from this. 
> 
> Wow they don't even know they have feelings for each other yet! What an original idea which no one has EVER done. Wow. Well done me. Completely my idea. Me. Mine. 
> 
> But in all seriousness - this is a piece of fiction, I know neither of them personally and am not trying to say that this WOULD happen. Don't force them or make them uncomfortable, this work is just done for entertainment purposes ONLY

He’d made a mistake. An innocent one, developed through excitement and disbelief, but it was still a mistake. Joe’s hands were sweaty and the hairs on the back of his neck was standing straight as he nodded along to the receptionist. He felt like he was a liar, a traitor in this place as he picked up the pen to sign the agreement form.

Ben stood behind him in awe, head tilted back as he observed the impressive chandelier above them. A grand stairwell led upwards, and craning his neck, Ben was able to see the large hallways leading in every direction above him. The reception room was panelled in dark, old wood from floor to ceiling, and every time they walked, the marble underneath echoed as if to announce their every step.

Yet Joe wasn’t enjoying the decoration or architecture, instead attempting to figure out a way he could get out of this situation without causing a scene or any trouble. What was intended as a friendly ‘boys trip’ away in the countryside for a fortnight had already spiralled down into a disaster. 

As the keys (not key-cards, but actual keys) were handed over and a brief description of where they were to go, Joe turned around, grabbed his suitcase and ushered Ben towards the staircase with an urgent hand to his back. The blond went with it without complaint, but did glance over at the red-head in confusion at the urgent speed.

“I’ve fucked up,” Joe mumbled from the corner of his mouth as they climbed the stairs. “I’m so sorry Ben but I’ve made a mistake”.

Ben dug his heels in and stopped the onward advance, turning to Joe on the stairway. “What?”

“It’s a couple’s retreat”.

\--------------------------------------------------

“Of fucking course there’s only one bed,” Ben threw his overbody bag onto the king size mattress and glared as it bounced across before falling onto the floor. Damn you mattress springs.

“I’ve already apologised,” Joe groaned, locking the door behind them. The room was spacious, with three windows looking over the rose garden below. There was a seating area taking up one side of the room, the king sized bed (canopy included) sat opposite the large wall mounted television and a quick peek into the only other door of the room showed a large bathroom leading into a walk in wardrobe. There wasn’t anywhere to hide, and it was obviously designed for the occupants to share all the available space. Romantic red wallpaper worked well with the lighter white fabric of the bed covers and canopy whilst also complimented the dark oak flooring. 

“Can we go and ask for another room? With two beds?” Going over to the living area, Ben plucked a champagne bottle from an ice bucket on the coffee table, reading the unfamiliar name before popping the cork and chugging straight from the bottle. Bubbles rushed up his nose and the Brit spluttered and coughed.

“It’s a couple retreat,” Joe repeated, grabbing the bottle from Ben and taking his own gulp, “we can’t have separate beds, it’d look suspicious”.

“Well can’t we just tell them we made a mistake and if we could have separate beds?” Snatching back the bottle, Ben took two large gulps as he glared the other man down.

“The fine print is very specific,” Joe waited for Ben to finish hogging the champagne and grabbed it from his hand, holding it away from the younger man whilst they had this conversation “- if there is a break in contract, I could be fined!”

“So you can read the bloody contract here but not when booking it!” Ben knew his voice was raising, and in reality knew he shouldn’t be so mad at Joe - it’s a nice location, made to be relaxing and escape the hustle and bustle, but he couldn’t help and be a little bit angry. What if someone recognised them and sold the story? “And what do you mean ‘could be fined’? What type of place are we staying!?”

“The type of place who fines people if they break the contract!” Gesturing in frustration, Joe ignored the champagne spilling in his hands, “it’s really exclusive and we got lucky getting a place!”

Ben didn’t know how to continue the argument, but he still wanted to be mad. He huffed, stamping his way across the room and into the bathroom, slamming the door dramatically behind him. 

The bathroom was tiled a soft yellow with gold taps and handles. The marble theme from downstairs continued up here, and the countertops were all made to show luxury. The shower was massive, could probably fit the entire cast in at once and still be room for more, and had multiple shower heads from all directions. Ben suspected that if he turned on the bath, it would fill through a small waterfall, and fit the rest of the suite with it’s overly large style. He perched between the two sinks, counter cold through the marble below. 

There’s no doubt that this place is fancy and probably cost Joe an entire paycheck (he ignored Ben attempting to split the bill), and the location was lovely. Although in America, the place was influenced by British architecture. Walled gardens and countless archways led out onto rolling hills covered in thick forestry with twisting paths leading to mysterious places. It was an hour away from the seafront, yet was isolated with only small worker cottages dotted down the long driveway. Ben could’ve sworn he’d seen deer when they had come through the impressive gates.

So okay, maybe Ben was overreacting a bit and should not be so harsh on Joe, but he had to think about his career. Yes, he participated in the bromance jokes and stirred the pot whenever he could, but you can grow tired of the assumptions. His agent and manager had both warned him on overstepping the mark: he was perceived as the ‘straight boy’ for Hollywood, and could suffer if any rumours got out of control. Although happy within himself and his own sexuality, he understood that there was many people in power who were afraid of change. 

He kicked absentmindedly as he thought over his position. He could either hide away for the next fortnight, leave Joe and go back to the UK, or enjoy himself in this exclusive hotel, away from prying eyes.

\---------------------

Joe had finally found the champagne flutes and had poured himself a very full glass, leaning against the thick wall and looking out upon the roses below. In full bloom, it was like a sea of colour, yellow and pinks and white and reds all intertwined in the walled garden. The path formed a cross through the middle, with archways leading into other gardens or outbuildings and everything was well-maintained. He watched as a gardener racked the loose rock of the pathways and tidied up where they had been kicked off into plant beds. He sipped absentmindedly at his drink as he observed the worker below. They seemed happy to be there, as if enjoying doing such a mundane task. But the location was stunning, so he couldn’t really fault them. Once the pathway was tidied, the worker grabbed the rake and started towards the little shed tucked away in the corner. Whistling their way over, the worker waved at other guests and seemed to skip the rest of the way.

Joe chugged his drink.

Ignoring the fizzy down his throat, he turned towards the tiny little coffee table (which was probably more expensive than his car) and grabbed the now half empty champagne bottle (which would probably cost Joe his kidney if he wanted to buy it again) and filled his glass as much as possible, the golden droplets spilling over the edge as Joe attempted to calm his anxious hands.

This was meant to be a cast trip - Allen, Lucy, Rami, Joe, Thomas and Ben - but soon it whittled down from 6 to 5 then 3 and finally to 2. The place would’ve been amazing for a week away, and it had plenty of facilities to keep them all entertained. But as the numbers whittled down, the excitement dropped until Joe managed to book a fortnight for cheap after a cancellation. The hotel had called HIM as he had shown interest and when the opportunity arose, Joe said ‘fuck it’ and got the place. A boys trip didn’t sound too bad! So off they went, merrily down the street before realising that they had set themselves up for slaughter. If anyone found out that he and Ben were here, together, just the two of them, it would surely get online.

But he couldn’t worry about that, not now, because they were already here. He had the room under a fake name, paid with his saving account (his parents set aside all the money from his young acting days) and had used his older, less flashy or eye catching car. They were here, so they’d just have to get on with it. And if that meant Joe needed to get plastered to face with that reality, then so be it.


	2. Chapter 2

Ben managed to stay in the windowless bathroom for 23 minutes before deciding that was enough alone time with his thoughts. He took his frustration out on the door handle and twisted it way harder than needed before stalking out of the room. He glared around the place, ready to start fighting again, but instead found a drunk Joe.

Head rolled back onto the headrest of the overly stuffed seat, Joe was staring off into the distance, an empty bottle of very expensive champagne held loosely in his left hand. His right hand was curled around the nearly all gone champagne flute, tilted heavily to one side, the drink inside still bubbling away. 

“You know what,” drunk Joe slurred, still staring away but obviously talking to Ben, “your much nicer when your cardboard”.

Ben huffed, walking deeper into the room before plucking the bottle and flute out of Joe’s hands. “Well why didn’t you take him - it - whatever!”

“See!” Now his hands were free, Joe waved them in Ben’s direction, hand colliding with hip but Joe either ignored it or was too drunk to notice/care, “He’d never raise his voice at me!”

“It doesn’t speak! It’s not real!” Ben couldn’t help it, but seeing Joe like this made him want to surrender, to forgive and laugh about the entire situation, and that scared him, causing him to become more defensive. He pretended not to care at the wounded look on Joe’s face, instead finishing off the glass of champagne. He placed both empty containers on the coffee table with more force than intended, but he didn’t know what to do! Joe looked hurt, honest-to-god-near-to-tears hurt, and Ben couldn’t cope. Deciding enough was enough, Ben escaped hastily, slamming the door behind him once he was in the hallway.

Confused and angry, he just turned and walked, winding down hallway after hallway, ending up going back downstairs and out front of the building. As if someone swiped the rug from under him, he stumbled sideways, hitting the tree just off the driveway as his body began to rech, nothing coming up as he shook, tears blinding his pained eyes. 

He was in major shit. Completely and utterly covered in it, submerged by the entire situation. 

It felt like hours, and maybe it was, but Ben finally stopped shaking and was able to blink away the tears without choking up again and found himself sat on the floor, back to the old oak. He concentrated on his breathing, bringing his erratic heartbeat lower and back within normal and healthy expectations, ignoring the storm in his mind. Everything seemed normal around him, clearler after his little panic, but normal as everyday should. 

“Sir?” The moment of serenity shattered, and Ben moved his now too heavy head to one side, finding a woman standing in pristinely pressed uniform and little bell-boy hat looking at him worriedly, “are you alright?”

“Yeah,” his voice broke, sounding hoarse and Ben winced inwardly, “just a bit of a … disagreement”.

“I’m sorry to hear,” now deciding that the pale and shaking man is not likely to die right infront of her, the woman stepped forward, “it happens here more often than you think.” She offered a tight lipped smile along with her hand, which Ben accepted, and although little, she had some strength to her and managed to pull the Brit up to his feet.

“Oh,” Ben didn’t know how to take that. The place looked idyllic, and he couldn’t imagine anyone ever getting angry here. Well, actually, he just had. “Well,” he smiled back, attempting to settle her concerned eyes, “I better get back to him, ya know, he was pretty drunk when I left”.

“Of course,” the woman dusted off the imaginary dust from her shirt but corrected her posture and gestured towards the manor, “do you need help getting back or?”

“I should be fine, thanks,” the manor looked ominous now in the dimming light of late afternoon, seemed to be judging him as if it knew he was an imposter and was lying to everyone here. He gulped, palms sweaty but stepped forward, concentrating on putting one foot down infront of the other, over and over. “Oh, I’m Ben by the way!” He turned around when he was about five paces away, and found the woman was standing where she had been when he had started his walk of shame back.

“Emily,” she smiled back, giving him a little bow before Ben turned back and walked off. 

\------------

He managed to backtrack his hasty retreat, but that meant that he was standing there, outside the door to their room, hand raised and ready to knock, because obviously he hadn’t picked up his own key in his panicked escape. He wanted to die of embarrassment, knowing now that he acted childish and out of place. So, he knocked.

It took only two knocks until the door swung open.

Joe looked like shit. Hair messy, eyes puffy and red and lip bitten into an inch of its life. Nothing was said, but he did step to the side and let Ben in.

“I’m sorry,” Ben stayed close, even as the door closed and it was just the two of them in the massive room. His voice was barely a whisper and he couldn’t look Joe in the eye, but Ben still blinked back tears.

Why was he crying over this?

“Me too,” Joe matched Ben, looking anywhere but at the man in front of him.

The silence stretched between them, the room becoming stuffy and crowded but still, neither moved away. 

“Let’s do it,” even though he broke the silence, Ben’s own words confused and startled him.

“What?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continue to shout and I will shout back


	3. Chapter 3

“Ok, but it needs to be believable”.

Joe paced back and forth, the alcohol he drank now fully out of his system, instead replaced with anxiety. But anxiety helped brainstorming, and if they were to pull this off, they needed a good brainstorming session. He’d written a few scripts before, they’d been perceived well and got him a small following as a director, so maybe he should just treat it like one of his scripts?

“It all needs to add up,” Ben mumbled from the sofa, face hidden under a pillow. 

They’d been like this for the last 56 minutes, yet were making small, baby steps. But right now, they didn’t have time for baby steps. Instead, they needed full grown adults steps, and preferably a tall adult, like 6”3 adult steps. 

Whereas usually you’d have weeks or maybe months to flesh out your character, they only had a few hours. They needed to be ready to perform for the next fortnight and convince not only the other guests, but the staff that they were a couple madly in love.

They didn’t have a hope in hell.

“How did we meet? I mean, couple us, not actual us, because I know how we met but that doesn’t-” Joe rambled, footsteps quickening as he tried to inbody the massive adult steps needed.

“A party? Through work?” Ben lifted the pillow off his face to ensure that Joe would be able to hear him. “Always best to stick somewhat to the truth, something we already know”.

“Yeah, alright, that could work,” this time, Joe was the one mumbling, stressed hands rubbing across the day old stubble. “But where do we work?”

“We could just steer clear of that,” moving from his lying position, Ben swung his legs around to place them on the solid floor. He ignored how the world swam around him. Maybe he was more stressed than he realised?

Joe seemed to consider the possibility and decided it feasible, shrugging his approval without breaking stride. “So far,” his fingers came up to count, “we agree that we met through work,” one finger, “that you were the one who talked first,” two fingers, “and that we’ve been a couple for 8 months,” three fingers. Not enough fingers. 

“I still think it should be shorter,” Ben was dizzy from watching Joe walk back and forth, and stood in his way to stop him, holding the shorter man by his shoulders at arms length. They looked at each other, then at the fingers, then back at each other.

“If it were shorter, people would expect us to be in the honeymoon phase. Eight months is stable enough to warrant going on an expensive holiday together and still wanting to keep it couples exclusive”.

“You put way too much thought into that, mate,” Ben sighed, but could see his point. “I was just thinking that a shorter time together could explain why we don’t know too much about each other”.

“Yeah but we DO know a lot about each other,” Joe pointed out, shrugging off Ben’s hands and instead falling onto the sofa. The blond followed. 

“But not as a couple we don’t”.

They hum-ed and hah-ed over the finer details for enough ten minutes before both their stomachs began rumbling too loud to ignore.

“Come on, Mazzello,” Ben stood first, reaching a hand out for his ‘boyfriend’ to pull himself up with, “lets get some food before we starve”.

“We could just order room service,” Joe groaned, but grabbed the offered hand and pulled himself up regardless. 

“We could do with some practice,” Ben pointed out, quickly checking himself out in the mirror. “Maybe we should get changed? Isn’t it meant to be really posh here?” His hoodie didn’t seem up to the dress code, although the nicest one he had, and maybe he could get away with his pressed jeans, but definitely not with the trainers. 

Joe agreed, his baseball sweatshirt comfy to travel in, but the coffee stains on the sleeves might seem a bit lower class for this place.

Both men went over to their suitcases and grabbed dress shirts.

“Um,” Joe looked at Ben, standing on the other side of the bed from him, then down at the black fabric in his hands, “I’m gonna get dressed in the bathroom”.

“We’ve gotten dressed in the same room before?” Ben was puzzled, pulling off his hoodie without much thought, but Joe had already gone in the massive adjoined room and closed the door behind him.

Neither of them spoke much more as they pulled on their proper shoes and brushed down their trousers. Joe had changed them as well, wearing work slacks instead. But he kept tugging at them, pulling them higher then pushing them lower, over and over again as the anxiety bubbled inside, the realisation of what they were about to do dawning on him.

“Hey, hey,” Ben’s voice was quiet and controlled but still startled Joe out of his mini crisis. “Just treat this like another acting gig, ok?” The blond smiled, reaching out and grabbing Joe by the wrists, “this ain’t no Dinosaur park, you’ll be ok”.

Joe let out a small laugh but nodded, moving his hand so that palm met palm. Here they were, Ben and Joe, holding hands as the sunset lighting cast the room in a heavenly glow. “Let’s do this, Jones”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are good at shouting, so I'm shouting this chapter back at ya'll


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, have a longer one because your shouting is so good ... also, there's going to be a little break before the next chapter because adult life gets in the way sometimes so, please forgive me?

Ben couldn’t get his leg from shaking, even when he tried to distract himself. The dining room was fancy, all fabric wallpaper and tall ceilings. The table sheet probably cost more than his entire outfit.

Everyone here was a couple, no doubt about that, and it made him feel worse. People had paid to come here, to be around other people like them, to show them that they were a better couple and that everyone else should be jealous of them. There were many honeymooning here, others on retirement breaks, a few just getting away from their kids. And here Ben was, sitting opposite his best mate, who he very much wasn’t in romantic love with, pretending that they were in romantic love because his best mate hadn’t read the fine print.

Joe seemed to be enjoying himself, talking to another couple on the nearest table. They’d travelled all the way from Sweden! As Joe laughed, Ben smiled, pretending that he was in fact listening to the conversation and not trying to think of an escape route.

When it had been just the two of them and they had managed to get a five finger list they both could work with, it had been fine, enjoyable even. Ben had fully believed they could pull it off. Do some Oscar worthy acting. It could be good practice even! You learn to swim once your in the deep end. But now he felt he was drowning. 

“He’s very good on the drums actually,” Joe was now staring at him, along with the other couple, and Ben realised he had taken too long of a gulp of wine. He placed the wine back down and smiled tightly over at the others. 

The couple were cute, very attractive and perfect for one another. She looked like she had just walked off the catwalk, and he had come from the cover of Men’s Fitness. They held hands over the table, and touched legs under the table. They were totally comfortable around each other, couldn’t be happier.

Ben adjusted his posture, attempting to take on a care free stanch instead of the perfectly straight back and tense shoulders. “I’m not that good,” Ben laughed, eyes glancing over to Joe, who seemed to be doing a much better job at fitting in than he was, “but he’s much better at the bass”.

“Oh,” Supermodel lady’s eyes glistened, finding a new topic to discuss, “so are you both in a band?”

“Um,” Joe and Ben glanced at each other, attempting to have a silent conversation but both ending up misunderstanding.

“Yes-”

“No-”

They both spoke at once, but realised that maybe they shouldn’t have, as now Supermodel lady and Hunk man were frowning in confusion.

“Well,” Joe plastered on an easy grin, “were in a band with our friends, you see, so I class it as a band…”

“While I say it’s more of a get together,” Ben finished, seeming to find confidence in nowhere. Frowns disappeared and toothy, pearly white grins returned. They seem ecstatic that the conversation could continue, and Hunk man went on a story about being in a band when he was younger, yada yada yada, they could’ve made it big, blah blah blah.

Joe signalled down a waiter and ordered another bottle of wine. 

\----------------------

By the end of the night, two bottles down and a lovely five course tiny portion meal later, Ben and Joe had fallen into the role a little bit more. Ben had even gotten inspired and called Joe “love”. Coffees had been finished and tiny mints eaten, and the two actors/imposters made their way upstairs with an invitation to couples yoga for the morning.

“They seemed nice,” Ben twisted the key and hummed in happiness. The wine had been good. Joe agreed, following close behind, a little less buzzed than the blond but loving the slightly loosened feel he had going.

“I think they believed us,” red head said. He kicked off his shoes near the door, watched as blond lent against the wall and stood on one leg, pulling his off one foot at the time. Regardless, the shoes ended up in a pile on the floor next to the door.

“Defentiley when you grabbed my hand,” now shoeless, Ben walked into the bathroom, undoing his shirt but leaving it on and still tucked into his jeans.

“I was inspired,” Joe stayed in the main room but also began undressing, one hand undoing his buttons whilst the other pulled out his sleep shirt and joggers. 

“Nice touch,” came the call from the bathroom. Joe hummed his thanks, and the two were quite as they prepared for the night. It was quite late when they had retreated from the dining hall, so neither fancied watching some television show that neither of them would be interested in.

Joe slid into bed first, his fancier clothes now a somewhat orderly heap at the foot of the bed. He settled in under the covers and let out a groan of appreciation. The sheets were heavenly, cocooning his body in warmth and love as the mattress sunk lower but offered a massive, night long hug. Now Joe could see where the money was going. He was asleep before Ben had even come back in the room.

\-----------

It was some ungodly hour and there was someone knocking at the door. Joe let out a frustrated groan, but the knocking continued in answer to his annoyance. All he wanted to do was snuggle back under the warmth, but no, he couldn’t, and the knocking was only getting harder.

With as much protesting as he possibly could under his breath, Joe slid from under the covers, making his way around the room best he could. The heavy curtains had been drawn and there was only a few tendrils of daylight sneaking through, but Joe glared at them as if they’d retreat.

“Hold on,” he yelled out, voice thick with sleep as he bounced over the thick carpet. He undid the chain lock and pulled the door open only to find Supermodel woman and Hunk man standing in the hallway, all pristine and perfect looking.

“Oh! Sorry, did we wake you?” Supermodel asked, seeming as Joe stood there in his ratty pyjamas.

Joe glanced down, and blinked down at his clothes as if they’d change into some perfectly matching pair of pyjamas. Did he even have a matching pair?

“Yeah, haha” the laugh sounded pained and embarrassed even to his own ears, and the grin plastered on his face was false. This was harder than your usual acting gig, where you could drop your charade and people would just shrug and wait for you to get your footing and get back into the scene. No, there wasn’t an opportunity for that here, no chance to really let his guard down except for in the privacy of the room, but that was shattered as Supermodel woman and Hunk man was standing in the doorway.

“Really sorry,” to his annoyance, Joe fully believed that Hunk man was sorry, “we just wanted to make sure you were still coming later?”

“Huh?” Sleep fogged brain did not understand. Help.

“Yoga?” Supermodel looked somewhat concerned, glancing at her glorious husband.

“Oh, yeah!” Sleep fogged brain did not remember agreeing to yoga, but it seemed panicked wine fuelled brain had agreed, so now they had to work together and get through this. “Um, what time again?”

“In about an hour!” Both beamed, speaking the same time and smiling the same smile. Maybe they were out of this world and were perfect aliens pretending to be humans? Hopefully they would eat Joe’s brain. Joe would thank them for the privilege, if he was honest. They could do ANYTHING to him and he would be grateful.

Joe opened his mouth, ready to say the coolest and smoothest thing he would’ve ever said when a snore from behind him interrupted. He turned around and the two possible aliens peeked over his shoulder.

Ben was laying on his back, covers kicked down and wrapped around his calphs, one arm thrown over where Joe would’ve been asleep while the other draped over the edge of the bed, yet somehow, even when not conscious, Ben managed to make it look like a photo-shoot. He had his mouth open, for god sake, but still looked like an Adonis. The golden tendrils Joe had previously attempted to glare away snaked over Bens pale skin, somehow making his ab muscles look even better sculpted, and the Brit hadn’t even been working out lately. And to top it all off, it appeared as if Ben slept in his underwear. 

“Um,” Joe turned to his guests, completely speechless but beginning to blush. That had been quite unexpected, yet had brushed away sleep fogged brain which was now replaced with oh-my-god-my-friend-is-fucking-hot brain. And he had to fake date this guy. 

Hunk man chuckled, wrapping his arm around Supermodel woman and pulled her close, “your a very lucky man,” he winked before pulling his wife away. “See you in an hour!” Supermodel waved as they retreated down the hallway.

“Thank you?” Joe called back, “I think,” he mumbled under his breath before closing the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You shout, I shout, we all shout!
> 
> Shouting is good, shouting is appreciated and I love your shouting. Thank you.


	5. Chapter 5

“I fucking hate this”.

“I don’t”

Ben glared over at Joe, attempting to stretch further which only resulted in some pained grunts and screwed up faces before the blond gave up. Joe laughed, doing the same stretch effortlessly.

They had managed to get down to the yoga class just in time, rushing into the designated room just as the occupants laid out their mats. With a few awkward waves and tense apologies, Ben and Joe had managed to find spaces at the back.

As it was only a beginners class, Joe found it easy. He’d been doing yoga on and off for years - kept him relaxed and limber during longer filmings. But his friend had not, instead favouring the gym to get the pure adrenaline. Muscles were handy, were more flashy, but they did reduce ones flexibility. He’d been good at the plank, had found the mountain pose ridiculously easy and a bit boring. But the seated forward bend seemed to have defeated him. Joe, on his matching orange yoga mat, was smiling over at him, easily relaxed and more than limbre in the pose. 

“And remember to breath,” the annoyingly calm and tranquil instructor smiled from the front of the class, the large windows behind her seeming to cast a heavenly glow upon her.

“I’ll teach you to fucking breath” Ben gasped out, body straining. Joe was currently laying more than happy, his chest near enough to his knees. He propped his head on his hand, watching Ben grow darker shades of red through strain. The blond was physically fit, but obviously lacked the flexibility. 

“Now come on, honey,” Joe teased, “you can’t say stuff like that”.

Ben turned to Joe and gave him the middle finger along with a sarcastic smile. Joe chuckled back and blew him a kiss. 

This continued on for another twenty minutes. They both blushed during the assisted downward dog (seriously, why does someone need their hips held when bending downward?) and made stupid fighting noises during both warrior poses, to which they had to apologise to the instructor, and whilst Ben used the bridge pose as an excuse to lay down and take a rest, Joe turned to the couple next to him and started having a conversation.

“Oh! I didn’t know there was a spa here!” Joe, still doing the bridge pose, turned his head to look towards Ben. “Did you know there was a spa?”

“Nah ah,” Ben didn’t bother opening his eyes.

“Wanna go? After this?” 

“Sure,” Ben shrugged. He was grateful for being in the back of the class. 

Joe grinned up towards the ceiling, extending his back further. The first proper day here, and it seemed to be going good! Why had they worried? Just a little bit of acting here and there and they seemed to be pulling the wool over everyone’s eyes. 

\-------

Turned out the spa was massive. It was it’s own separate building, with the ground floor was the usual spa section - swimming pool, jackussie, sauna. Treatment rooms were downstairs in the basement. There was even a small gym tucked in a corner, and the beaming smile Ben sent his way made the entire trip worth it to Joe. They got their complementary robes and slippers (Ben made a comment about seeing these on a catwalk somewhere) and took a moment to relax.

“Joe, mate,” Ben started, staring out over the pool at the floor to ceiling windows. The view was tranquil with rolling hills and greenland undisturbed for as far as the eye could see, “I just want to say thank you”. 

Joe glanced over at the chair next to him. They sat at the poolside, taking a moment for quiet reflection. There seemed to be no couples here, either off doing another class or spending some ‘quality time’ elsewhere. It had given them the perfect opportunity to let down the facade and just be friends again. No pet names, or closeness, or made up stories or agreeing to go somewhere with some people they’d have to lie too. “You don’t have to thank me, Benny,” Joe turned in his seat, facing Ben, who turned in his seat as well. They now sat, knees brushing, leaning closer, in just some incredibly fluffy and very white robes and slippers. “It’s nice to see you enjoying this shit show I got us in”.

Ben grinned, head falling forward as he smiled to himself. He hadn’t imagined the holiday to end up like this. Honestly, he hadn’t imagined a holiday with just Joe. It had never been them two - always with either Gwil, Rami, Lucy or even Allen - for such a long time. Sure, they had had some movie nights or gone out drinking, but never had they gone so long without being dstrubed. 

It was nice, if Ben were being honest, that it was just them two. They were relaxed around each other, had inside jokes and bounced off of each others emotions. It was addictive. Although they had only been here for just under a day, Ben already knew this was going to be a good break. 

“I just don’t want you to feel guilty,” not sure what spurred him on - maybe it was his soft thoughts or just the atmosphere - but Ben grabbed Joe’s hand and held it delicately in his own. The redhead had longer fingers, piano player fingers Ben would say, dotted with freckles from his fondness of being outside. They were hardened, a few tiny scars littering the light skin from playing as a kid and being slightly clumsy, but were soft to touch. The opposite of Ben’s. Ben’s own hands were hard from using gym equipment from a relatively young age. Playing rugby hadn’t helped either, but finding his love for the gym in his teenage years had shaped him more than any game running in mud had. 

Ben gulped, realising that he had been staring silently at his friend's hand.

“I know I was mean to you yesterday,” look away from the hand, Jones, look away, “but that was more because I was scared of what people would think of me. What would my agent say? I’m usually the matcho, straight white boy on screen, you know? Getting all the ladies to swoon,” was he rambling? He was rambling, “by taking my top off. So what would the media think if they found out I was here with a guy? A couples exclusive resort”.

“Ben,” Joe wrapped his fingers around the blonds wrist and gave a gentle tug until eyes met, “I know and you don’t need to apologise”. A gentle smile was rewarded with the tension leaving shoulders. “You don’t need to explain anything to me, alright?”

Ben stared into open, welcoming eyes and felt a bubble of emotion in his chest. He wasn’t sure why it had appeared, but he was blinking back the tears. Maybe his rant had a more serious undertone than he thought? He nodded, not trusting his tight throat.

Joes smile widened, and he held onto the hand tighter. Maybe this holiday would bring them closer, even as only friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooop, some emotion is starting to come into the mix. 
> 
> Please yell your ideas and wishes as loud as you can, and maybe I'll start yelling them back at you.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit shorter than usual, sorry lads.

They stayed in the spa building for a little while longer until other couples started to strut in. Everyone seemed to be eyeing each other as if it was a battle, getting ready to show that they were the ultimate couple and the others were merely peasants compared, so Ben and Joe left before insulting glares turned deadly.

Now back into their normal clothes, they decided that the warming mid-morning air was good enough to walk around the grounds. They shared inside jokes as they ambled around the tree guided pathways, stumbling on laughter.

Joe loved it when Ben laughed;when he really laughed, not caring who saw or heard him, or seeming to notice how his knees buckled underneath him or the way he relied on those around him to remain standing. Joe grinned wider as he watched a few happy tears rush over smiling cheeks. Ben would turn pink, skin blotching over his collar bones and teasingly under his shirt, and Joe just wanted to see how far he could make that blush go down. If the only way was making the blond laugh, he was fine with that.

Ben was overtaken by the way Joe attempted to tell a joke and end up choking on his own laughter, finding himself too funny to even admit. Ben loved the way that it usually ended up with Joe just gesturing as he slowly sunk to the floor in laughter. He loved that even after laughing himself near enough sick, Joe would still attempt the same joke, and would end up in an endless cycle of choked joked and booming laughter. Ben would do anything to keep the smile on Joe’s face, to keep the warm golden light in his chest from ever fading. And if the only way was by living the same joke out again and again, Ben would never tire of those few words.

The walk was lovely, was natural and brilliant, although they hardly saw any wildlife as their laughter acted as a fog horn. Ben didn’t even mind when Joe got them slightly lost and they walked around the same clearing two times before realising it was a left rather than a right. Joe found it enderaring when Ben fell over the tree branch cause he just so happened to be staring at Joe and not paying attention to wear he was going.

And neither minded when their arms brushed or how their fingers curled around each other for a few heart soaring seconds. 

The longer they were here the more natural it seemed to be around eachother. Neither seemed to mind being connected to the hip. When they eventually stumbled over the threshold of the little canteen/restaurant, they were starved. A few hours of hiking really builds up an appetite. Ben practically collapsed into the chair as Joe wondered to the front to get them some food. During the early afternoon hours, the feeding area was a less formal hog roast style, allowing the guests a hearty meal of their choice. Joe knew what Ben would like, and shortly returned with heaped plates.

“Thanks love,” Ben smiled as a plate was placed in front of him, but remained stretched out, legs taking most of the available room under the table. Joe kicked and shoved but managed to only gain a little ground. 

Hums of hungry pleasure conversed over the table, scraping cutlery playing as background music. It began to slow as the mountains of food lessened and amused glances were shared. They were in their own little bubble, completely ignoring the other guests, and were completely unaware of how much true emotion was showing.

\------------

After eating way too much, they retreated to their suite where Joe currently lay face first on the oversized bed as Ben half-heartedly skimmed through available programmes.

“You’d think,” he complained, “that this place would show something other than fucking reruns”. 

“Most people ain’t spending much time watching TV,” Joe groaned into the duvet, deciding halfway through the sentence that breathing would be much easier without bed covers blocking his nose and mouth.

“Come on, they can’t be at it all the time,” Ben flicked through reruns of F.R.I.E.N.D.S slightly slower than he would the rest.

“This place makes money on people doing it all the time,” propping his head on his hand, Joe lounged on his side, watching the blur of the TV screen through half-lidded eyes. “Just pick something Benny Boy, your complaining is cutting into my napping time”.

“Oh sorry granddad, forgot that you need sleepy times,” Ben smirked through the sentence, and finally settled on a random documentary. At least he had never seen this one before. He settled back, resting against the headboard lazily before grabbing a pillow and holding it close to his chest.   
Joe finally saw the chance for his slumber and let his head fall from his hand onto the soft duvet below. He listened to the audio as he chased sleep, and concealed his smile into the covers when Ben gasped softly at the baby elephant.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys are in for a real treat cause I just finished this chapter and I'm very happy with it tbh! So, 2 chapters in 1 DAY WOOOOO! never expect it again.

Joe woke a few hours later to a darkened room. The TV volume had been reduced to a small hum in the background but the flashing colours were the only light available. The curtains had been drawn, blocking out the night sky from seeping into his sleep, and although he may not think about it now, Joe will definitely overthink the carefully placed covers hugging his body. It took him a minute of two to register the fact he was totally alone in the room, and a quick knock on the bathroom door revealed he was alone in the full suite. Although he would deny it, Joe pouted at the realisation.

Deciding that he, in fact, didn’t want to be alone at the moment, Joe decided it would be a very good idea to go and find his friend although having no clue or indication on where the blonde could be. So, grabbing the spare key from where they had left it, Joe slipped on his ratty slippers and went to search. 

The hallways were lit romantically, soft golden bulbs glowing in an imitation of candlelight. Soft rugs underfoot masked his footsteps as Joe took the back stairway downstairs. Old radiators creaked as they began to warm the air around, keeping the occupants in a warm embrace. Down distant hallways, bubbling laughter wound an inviting finger in hopes of pulling Joe away from his search, but with an inward apology, Joe continued. His sleep-brain called out for Ben, and at the moment, sleep fogged all logic. 

The old mansion was massive, having had many extensions over the hundreds of years that it’s stood on this site. It was easy to get lost, Joe swore it, as he backtracked once more. He had walked past these kitchens before. But the walls seemed to clear him a path from pity, and through one of the windows, he recognised a muscled back. With an embarrassing amount of joy in his newly energetic strides, Joe made his way to the nearest unlocked door. 

“Ah fucking shit,” the moment the doors opened and he came into the rose gardens, the cold attacked his skin like little needles. Ah, yes, Autumn, the season which made no temperature sense. 

Once Joe was over his little hissy-fit of wearing a loose tshirt, he regained his ability of acting (you know, the thing he’s managed so far to make a living on) and pretended that he wasn’t going to get hypothermia. He began to make his way over to his friend, attempting to stay as quiet as possible as not to break the spell Ben seemed to be under. 

“Hey,” Joe watched as his words whisked away in a small cloud up into the cold night air. Oh god it was so cold. Why the heck was Ben out here?

Ben glanced over at Joe, arms crossed tightly over his chest as if clutching his warmth close. “Hey buddy”.

“Whatcha doing?” Joe stayed back, hands buried deep in his pockets as he watched Ben through the light casting out the lower levels. Blonde curls illuminated in golden hues appeared angelic. Ha, Ben an Angel.

Ben didn’t respond, just jutted out his chin as his eyes cast skyward. Joe followed his eyeline and saw the glistening stars above. He honest to god gasped, not being able to take in what he was seeing. Every few seconds a shooting star whizzed over head. “Oh wow”.

“Yeah,” without looking, Joe could tell Ben was smiling. “I saw a, um, article about there being a possibility of a meteor shower so,” Ben shrugged. 

“Ah nice,” Joe shuffled closer until their shoulders brushed, “doesn’t mean it isn’t cold out here though”.

Ben chuckled next to him, bumping his shoulder against Joe before moving away. Before Joe could become disappointed, Ben pulled off his hoodie and shoved it into Joe’s bewildered hands. He just smiled at the questioning noises Joe made and just went back to looking at the stars. He was thankful the cold hid his blush.

“Thanks,” Joe whispered as he pulled the hoodie over himself. Sleeves rushed over his wrists and pooled down by his fingertips as the hood gathered by his brow. Ben glanced over and gave the man next to him a dazzling smile. Joe grinned back, and his smile stretched further when Ben took half a step back towards him, bare arm brushing the well-worn fabric. 

They remained like that for a minute, Ben pretending he wasn’t beginning to feel the cold in his tshirt and Joe attempting not to inhale too loudly to not alert the blonde that he was trying to memorise his smell. 

“Look-” Ben started, half turning to Joe.

“Wait! Give me a second!” Joe practically jumped from the small bubble they had found themselves in and sprinted towards the door he had recently exited from, leaving Ben staring after him. It only took a few seconds, but the cold was quick to replace the body warmth Joe had provided, and Ben huddled in closer, muscled arms weakly grabbing at the other to stop the colds attack, but quickly Joe shoved his way out the door with a massive heap of fabric in his arms. “Come! Sit here! Come on pretty boy!” Joe called over the blankets and pillows he was carrying as he made his somewhat way towards the garden bench at the edge of one of the walkways. Ben, still a bit confused, but deciding that blankets equaled warmth, walked after him.

Joe threw the blankets and pillows onto the bench and quickly rearranged them, a blanket covering the cold metal of the seat with two mismatched pillows invitingly layed out. Joe still had a blanket in his arms, and with a reassuring smile, draped it over Ben’s shoulders. 

Ben's heart skipped a beat at the care and attention shown towards him and grasped the two ends of the blanket across his chest. He sat down, shuffling to the side to allow Joe enough room to sit down. The bench was small, made for two lovers, and the pillows beside their hips didn’t really help the situation. With the red head next to him, Ben shuffled for a second before placing his arm around Joe’s shoulders and pulling him into his side, blanket now covering both of them. 

Joe held his breath for a second, not daring to move and break the peaceful moment, but he felt Ben relaxing next to him, arm becoming heavier over nervous shoulders. “Where did you get these by the way?” Ben whispered into the night air.

“Um,” Joe relaxed his side, naturally sliding under Ben’s arm further before continuing his sentence, “they were on one of the sofas in the hallway. I don’t think they’ll mind too much”.

Ben hummed next to him and the two went back into peaceful silence.

Joe had slipped into his own world but was woken back to reality as he felt Ben press soft lips against his temple, only the hoodie material separating them. “Thank you,” the Brit whispered, keeping his head leant against the top of Joes as his eyes drifted skyward, watching the shooting stars grant his wishes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so much sadder news - I've finally decided how this will come to an end. That means, in a few chapters time, this will be over. Yeah, I know, most of you are probably like "woo fucking finally come onnn" but maybe one or two are a bit more upset. Soz. BUT just think about it this way - atleast it'll be completed! So those who for some reason read this in the far future aren't like "WHY ISN'T IT FINISHEEEDDD" I got you future homies. I will complete atleast one Hardzello fic. Your welcome. 
> 
> ALSO COME BACK AND SHOUT AT ME BECAUSE I ENJOY IT


	8. Chapter 8

Oh fuck. Oh flying fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck of the highest fucker ever. Ben was in love. Head over heels in love. Sweaty palms in love. 

Shit.

This was not something he could charm his way out of, in fact, this was a situation that he charmed his way INTO. And now he had to pay the price. 

It had been three days since the star watching cuddles, which also lined up with when Ben realised he never wanted Joe to leave his side, and also when the constant anxiety heartbeat in his chest started up. He couldn’t even stand next to Joe without feeling the butterflies honest to god attempting to rip their way out of his stomach.

Everything the overly adorable ginger did had Ben weak at the knees. Like, fuck, how can someone eating a bowl of cereal be so loving? Or putting their head through the arm hole of their tshirt make the hairs on his arms tingle?

But the worst part of it was the fact that Ben now realised how much he wanted Joe to bang him against the wall. Or any flat surface. Well, any surface will do really. 

He was in deep. 

“So,” Joe poked Ben in the thigh using his toe, laying on the sofa next to him, “you want to go or nah? Cause I need your opinion on my outfit if we are going, Mr ‘I’ve been to fashion shows’”. 

“You’ve been to fashion shows too,” Ben became all too aware of how sweaty his palm were, but if he attempted to move his hand from Joe’s leg, it would look weird and suspicious. He needed to act o’natural. Wanting constant physical contact with your same sex friend is totally normal, yeah? It didn’t matter that Joe had literally thrown himself onto the sofa next to the blond and had shoved his toes under Ben’s thigh to keep warm, the hand on the calf was weird.

“Shut up, Jones,” Joe wiggled his feet further in protest but grinned over to the English man. “You have better ideas on what looks better”.

“Well, yeah, I actually listen to what my stylists tell me”.

“When you’ve been in show business as long as me sweetheart, things like what colour goes best with what just become irrelevant,” to show the hardship that it was to be a semi-successful child actor, Joe threw a dramatic arm over his forehead. The whole guise failed though when he started giggling at his own ridiculous performance. “But that didn’t answer my question. Yay or nay?” 

Ben faked to think about his answer before shrugging, “yeah, we might as well. What harm will going to a private beach and restaurant with other loved up couples do?” 

Joe laughed, “oh so were a ‘loved up couple’ now, are we? When did you plan on telling me this?” Joe grinned to the ceiling, managing to miss the wide eyes and manic blushing happening on his secret crush. 

Ben just forced out a tense laugh before evacuating the seat with much more force than was actually necessary. He made sure to look totally natural and not stiff or weird at all as he moved over to his part of the closet and started pulling out his workout gear. He waved his jogging bottoms in Joe’s direction when his friend asked what he was doing, and took the sarcastic remark waved back at him as understanding. And although they had been there for a week now, Ben still ducked into the bathroom to get changed.

And have a mild panic attack, but Joe didn’t need to know that.

This week had been amazing - even the couples pottery class managed to entertain the duo long enough to make a lob-sided vase, and they had eventually realised that the Supermodel duo were called Mies and Nainen. The local town they group visited this morning was cute, and Ben was proud to say he made Joe cry with laughter with his stupid coffee puns and frothed milk moustache. But every activity they did together made Bens throat feel tighter as he sunk deeper and deeper in love.

Finally dressed in his sweat stained and moth eaten workout clothes, Ben exited the bathroom and grabbed the spare key. “See ya later, Alligator,” he announced his departure to the back of Joe’s head, who was now watching the TV as the trip for tomorrow was decided.

“Yeah, whatever babe,” Joe distractly answered back, half over his shoulder as the crappy rerun was obviously more important than Ben.

“That’s not how it goes, but sure, whatever,” mumbling to himself as he left the suite, Ben half ran, half sneaked his way towards the gym/spa/wellness centre across the gardens. He jogged down the stairs into the gym basement and beelined for the locker room. Darting his head around each corner, he deemed it safe as he pulled out his phone and dialled a familiar number.

“Gwil, mate, I have a huge problem”. Not even giving time for a greeting, Ben blurted that out before he could chicken out of his own feelings.

“‘Oh hi Gwil, long time no see! How are you, Gwil? How’s the family?’” Gwil sarcastically sang song down the phone, and Ben could practically hear the rolling eyes.

“Yeah, all of that, whatever, but I have a problem”.

“Alright?” An awkward silence filled the space as both friends waited for the other to begin, “right, ok,” deciding the blond wasn’t going to start, Gwil pushed the boat out and started the conversation properly, “what is your very big problem that couldn’t wait until morning to be solved?”

Ben pulled his phone back his phone from his ear with a frown, before mentally cursing himself for calling Gwilym at 1am Britain time. After cursing himself for a solid few seconds, Ben blurted it out: “I’m in love with Joe”.

“Yeah … and?” Gwil did not sound at all surprised, shocked or even quizzical by Ben’s feelings, in fact he sounded bored.

“What do you me ‘and’? Fucking hell, mate, couldn’t you pretend to be at least a little bit surprised?” Ben couldn't believe it. Could. Not. Believe. It. Gwil sounded as if he had been expecting it. This thing which had blown Ben over, had completely changed his life and flipped it upside down and Gwilym Fucking Lee had the nerve to be bored.

“No, not really,” Gwil sighed, “actually, I’m thankful. Lucy owes me a hundred quid, so thanks for that”.

“What?”

\-----------------------------------

“I’m in love with Ben”. The moment the blond had left the room, Joe grabbed his phone and frantically called Rami.

“Ah shit,” was not the answer he expected, nor was; “Lucy, you owe Gwil that hundred bucks … what? … yeah, I know … nah he’s on the phone”.

Joe was about to question his best friend when he heard the phone being snatched and a very annoyed Lucy growling “god damnit Mazzello we thought you two had been fucking since week three” and then the phone went dead as Lucy hung up on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, supermodel couples names are literally 'Man' and 'Woman' in Finnish lol
> 
> What do I want? You guys to shout!! When do I want it??? NOW! or really whenever is convenient for you please and thank you it means a lot to me <3 <3 <3


	9. Chapter 9

Ben had no freaking idea what was going on. Five minutes ago he called one of his closest friends to admit his feelings for their mutual friends, had been told he was an idiot and basically everyone knew already, asked how the holiday was going and was now listening as dear old Gwil was lecturing him on safe sex.

“Uh yeah, I know-” Ben attempted to cut across his ranting friend but was shut down before he was successful.

“No! It’s important! Everything needs to be prepared Ben, everything!” 

“Ok mate, I get it-” again, cut down before he could get much further.

Ben sat on the floor, picking absentmindedly at a loose thread on his joggers. At least he wasn’t hyperventilating like he had been before. He let Gwil carry on the one-sided conversation as he let his mind wander. How long had he been feeling like this? How long had he been denying his feelings? Everyone seemed to have assumed they’d been together for ages and just decided not to go public with it. Did Joe even feel the same way? Oh god, what happens if he didn’t? Ben felt a claw of panic embed itself into his chest and he let out a panicked gasp, his body decided it needed to be elsewhere right now, as if if he moved, he’d leave that thought behind, but as Ben stumbled to his feet and rushed towards a different section of the room, the dark thought followed and only became heavier on his chest.

Gwil seemed to have heard the panicked noise, and was now trying to get Ben to explain what was going on, but Ben’s brain was only focused on getting away from the thought, and he clumsily side stepped into some of the lockers, the loud metal clang making his shout in panic as he dropped the phone. Fingers feeling difficult to use, Ben desperately lent down and tried to pick up the phone, and with a few annoyed and panicked whines, he managed to get some sort of grip. Using the lockers for stability, Ben got onto the floor, kneeling in the corner of the room as he gasped a few breathes. “Joe doesn’t like me”, he half whispered, his throat feeling too tight as anxiety tears built in his eyes, “he can’t find out because he’d hate me if he did and I want him in my life even if only as a friend because I don’t want to loose him and if that means I never say it then I don’t care I’ll just get rid of the feelings and then it won’t be a problem anymore and-” Ben let his mind run away with his mouth, the unstopped rambling of his anxiety taking over as his brain overflowed.

Gwil could hear the fear through the speaker on his phone, and even though he was thousands of miles away, all he wanted to do was to grab Ben and hold him tightly. Ben had told them a couple weeks into filming that he suffered from anxiety, that he found it difficult to cope sometimes, and it’s probably that which caused him and Joe to grow closer. Mazzello was like a calming device for Ben, and it usually resulted in Joe sticking close to the blond whenever it became too much, and Gwil and Rami had both walked in a few times to find Ben curled up against Joe’s side, neither of them speaking yet content together. So it hadn’t shocked Gwil when he saw the love struck looks they shared with one another, or the way they would shamelessly flirt with each other, but it was more shocking that neither of them had noticed. 

“Ben, Ben, please just breath for a minute,” Gwil, now sat up in his bed, could feel his own heartbeat growing rapidly with fear for his friend. He heard a shuddering gasp, followed by another, and Gwil did some steadier breathing, loud enough that Ben could hear. It took them a long time, Gwil was now standing in the kitchen with some tea, but Ben was able to breath a bit easier. Muscled shoulders were now leaning against the lockers behind, the claw in Bens chest was now leaving, yet the scars still remained. Green eyes sparkled with tears, full lips now chewed and bloody as the energy surge from before now began to leave his system, leaving the young man drained. His forehead felt clammy, a curl now stuck to it making him seem more childlike than he actually was. Yet, Gwil was still here, not saying much but letting Ben know he was safe.

“The floor feels solid,” Ben croaked out, eyes closed as he rolled his head from side to side, begging his sore neck muscles to calm their throbbing, and he heard Gwil sigh in relief. This was something his therapist had taught him; focus on things he could feel and it’d bring him back to reality safely.

“How about the lockers? You said you were in a changing room”. Gwil’s voice, now on speaker phone, sounded a touch too loud for Ben, but he knew that was just an aftermath of his attack, and knew it’d pass. 

“They’re cold. Made from metal”.

“How about your clothes? Are they warm?”

“Yeah,” Ben breathed out, shaking hand coming to hold the loose fabric of his hoodie. He was shivering despite the warmth of the fabric, “they’re nice. Somebody sent them to me”.

“That’s nice,” Gwil breathed, and it went quite for a moment. “Do you think you can get up?” 

“Um,” Ben bent his knees, one of his legs dragging heavier, but he managed to get both under him, and he managed to push himself up, taking a moment to steady himself, “yeah, I’m standing now”. Blinking his eyes open, Ben winced at the strong light above him, and shielded his eyes before slowly walking out of the changing rooms, feet heavy as he made his way into the dimmer corridors. “Just got out of the changing rooms”.

“You ok? You walking back to your room?” 

Ben felt a squeeze of panic and let out a long breath before nodding to himself, realising that Gwil couldn’t see him and whispered out a “yeah”. He must’ve been gone for ages, and he shouldn't do any exercising anyway, so going back was probably his best bet. “Will you stay on the phone though?” He heard Gwil confirm he would, and slowly the Brit walked back, listening to a story his friend was telling him, not needing to speak.

Yet he was at the door way quicker than he liked. He whispered to Gwil that he had to go, he had to walk in there right now otherwise he knew he’d bolt, and Gwil gave him a few final words of encouragement before Ben hung up.

A small pep talk to himself had Ben turning the key, and he pushed open the door. There was only one light one, the lamp by the sofa, and the TV was turned down low, so Ben didn’t notice Joe until he’d already taken a few steps into the room.

Walking out the bathroom, Joe finished pulling over his thread-bare sweater and saw Ben standing by the door. His shoulders were slouched, his fingers nervously playing at the bottom of the top, and green eyes were cast downward yet he didn’t seem to acknowledge Joe’s presence at all. Ah. 

“Benny?” Joe made sure to speak before getting too close, and the blond looked over, taking a moment before registering who was standing in front of him. He slowly smiled, and Joe avoided acknowledging the bitten lips and upset eyes, knowing now was not the time to bring either of them up. Instead, he mirrored the smile in front of him and gestured to the sofa, the overly plump pillows looking overly inviting. Ben nodded, shuffling his sock clad feet in the direction, Joe grabbing a few blankets from the cupboard, making his way over to where Ben was already settling in. 

Sitting close, Joe held up and arm and knew that Ben would settle against his side, and if like a jigsaw piece, the blond fitted against his side perfectly. Using his free arm, Joe pulled the blankets over them, watching out the corner of his eyes as Ben’s unfocused eyes finally gathered their clarity back, and Joe let out a content sigh, knowing that whatever had gone through his worried head, Ben was on the road to recovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's back, back again
> 
> thank to the few faithful for sticking around and screaming at me on every form of social media possible, but a big heartfelt thankful to Nadia for kicking me out of my writer's block. 
> 
> You know what to do guys. Scream at me until I blackout.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three months isn't too long to wait for an update, is it? (Sorry)

Ben looked so peaceful when he was asleep, even if there was a slight amount of drool coming from the side of his mouth. But his mouth hanging open in the perfect cupid’s bow, his nose twitching with a dream and his delicate curls in a mess around his head like a halo, everyone deserved to see him like this. So, Joe took a photo. And another. Which ended up being twenty three photos, none of which will ever be posted online. Yet each one would remain in his camera roll until the day Joe died. 

The light colouring the curtains was golden, announcing the new day in the softest hues possible. It also announced that the two friends would have to get up soon and begin getting ready for the new day. They had to go to the beach, afterall. Yet, laying on this couch with his legs tangled up with Bens, Joe could not want to move less if possible.

Last night, they hadn’t really spoken and had let the crappy movies they’d manage to find fill the space between them. They’d just stayed close, and when Ben went heavy against his side, Joe had made sure his movements were slow and steady as he managed to turn the blond around to comfortably lay down, Joe deciding for some reason to remain on the sofa as well. It was big enough anyway. 

So, after flipping off the lamp and television, Joe had settled down, staying awake a bit longer to make sure that Ben was truly asleep for the night. And when Joe had woken up in the morning, he wasn’t surprised that Ben was still asleep. He’d always needed more sleep anyway, so Joe had refreshed himself for the morning, grabbing his phone from the cabinet he’d left it on last night and resettled in. 

Gwil had sent him a message sometime during the night, so Joe knew that at least Ben wasn’t alone when he was vulnerable, but didn’t pry to what the cause was. Gwil had just told him to keep an eye on the blond and make sure he was ok. Joe sent back a thumbs up and also let the Welshman know where they were going for the day. He watched as three dots appeared, then disappeared, then appeared again before disappearing. He then just got a text saying ‘ok’. Joe furrowed his brow but decided not to push it, instead deciding that he needed to wake up Ben.

So, getting up from the warm nest they’d made, Joe moved to kneel by Ben’s torso, a gentle hand pushing away some of the hair that had fallen into the blonds face, and Joe had to hold back his chuckle at the huff that came from his friend as he attempted to turn over, away from the hand on his face, yet ended up facing Joe more. Grabbing Bens shoulder, Joe gave it a few small shakes, whispering how he needed to wake up, and slowly he watched eyelashes flutter and slowly open, revealing tired green eyes. 

“Hey,” Joe smiled, adoring the way Ben looked when he first woke up. He watched as sleep confused eyes came into focus, and saw the way they darted over his own face for a moment before the younger mans lips turned upward into a joyful smile.

“Hey buddy,” Ben yawned, stretching his body until it shook before he sunk back into the sofa, his eyes heavy-lidded as he glanced over at Joe, “whatcha’ doing?”

“Waking you up is what I’m doing,” Joe chuckled at Bens pout and pitiful “why?”, wishing that he’d be able to remember this moment for as long as possible. It was something so soft, just the two of them without any prying eyes and it was perfect. Joe wanted this to be forever. “‘Cause we have to go to that beach thing, and we should be leaving in about-” Joe glanced at the side clock “-an hour. So we gotta get ready”. 

Ben groaned, letting his head fall back into the pillow. Eyelids sliding closed, Ben pretended to fall back to sleep, a few overacted snore vibrating around the room. Although, once Joe snorted a laugh, a smirk stretched Ben’s lips as he blinked his eyes open. “We gotta go?” He whispered, body feeling heavy.

Joe cupped Bens cheek, using his thumb to brush over his cheekbone, “yeah, ‘friad so,” he shrugged, a slight smirk tugging his lips, “anyway, I don’t wanna be stuck in here with you by myself”.

Ben tilted his head towards the warm embrace but nodded anyway, letting out a small annoyed huff before pushing himself to sit up. “Fine, but I’m gonna complain about it the whole time”.

“Wouldn’t expect anything less”.

\-----------

Walking out front, Ben pushed the sunglasses further up his nose as he let his day bag bounce against his back. He glanced to his right, smiling as Joe copied his movements before sliding his arm around the slightly shorter man's shoulders. A mini van waited in front of them, parked along the long driveway. A few other couples were already making their way to the vehicle, mulling around outside as Ben and Joe joined the short queue. Didn’t seem as if many would be coming to this thing, or at least travelling with them. 

Ben let his arm slip down from Joes shoulders to come down around his waist, large hand pressing against Joe’s ribs as they remained quiet. Even after his breakdown yesterday, Ben still wanted Joe by his side, and it looked like the redhead was happy to be there.

It wasn’t long before they were loaded up, Ben and Joe ending up at the front and started talking to themselves with ducked heads and quiet whispers about what they were going to do today. Both ignored Bens state last night, although both were thinking of it.

As they drove off, Ben turned his head to look out the window. The long driveway soon turned into sweeping hills, and the younger man started pointing out the different animals and was trying to remember what bird was what. Joe was only half listening, watching Ben’s face instead. The blond looked so much younger like this, eyes sparkling with excitement as he prodded against the window and wrongfully identified a certain bird, but Joe didn’t care. He creeped his hand over to the one on Ben’s thighs, fingers brushing briefly before the blond automatically turned his palm over and interlocked their fingers mid-sentence, not even seeming to notice he did it, or the beaming smile Joe was trying to hide. 

After a long journey that felt too short, they’d arrived. This place was stunning, all muted pastels and sweeping beaches. The hills seemed to pour into the crystal sea, disturbed only by the town sitting between two valleys. A long road ran the length of the beach, but it seemed to be quiet, with no vacationing families to be seen. The people on the streets looked like they’d walked straight off of the catwalk with their long legs and perfect tans, and Joe automatically shoved his sunglasses higher, suddenly noting how pale he really was.

He glanced to his side to look at Ben as he climbed off the mini van. He suited the place with his gentle sunkissed tan and perfect blond hair. But the Brit wasn’t looking out at the landscape, instead his dazzling smile was directed at Joe. 

“God, it feels good to be able to stretch,” Ben chuckled, stretching his arms over his head, shirt riding up his body and showing shadows of his muscles. If Joe could pull his eyes away from the exposed skin, he’d have noticed that a few other people were also watching the blond with appreciation. 

Joe laughed, mouth stretching wide, “what about this place?” He half gestured around them at the picturesque landscape which probably deserved to be on a postcard. He was going to look for a postcard. 

Ben glanced around as if seeing their surroundings for the first time before shrugging, “yeah, it ain’t bad I suppose,” Joe half believed his nonchalant manner, but it was the cheeky grin which gave him away. He laughed again, happily pulled against Bens front as he muffled his noises into strong shoulders as the guide began explaining where they needed to be and at what specific time. 

“Looks like we can do whatever we want, Joe,” Ben kept Joe close, feeling as the man half turned in his embrace as they both glanced over the sea in front of them. The rest of the group were disbanding, some going away in small groups and others just as couples. Seemed no one would pay them any attention, and Ben held Joe for a few moments longer before letting his hand fall away, taking a small step back to look at Joe, “whatcha wanna do?” 

“Well,” Joe kept his gaze on the sea, watching the waves roll in, “how about getting a bite to eat first? Something totally unhealthy that we most definitely wouldn't be able to eat if we were working”. He heard the soft chuckle next to him, the warming British tone to it pulling Joe in and he was sure it was one of his favourite sounds. 

Standing next to him, Ben dared a few fleeting glances at Joe. The way he seemed so relaxed here made it so Ben never wanted to leave. The redhead had gone through so much shit recently, that if Ben could wrap him up in bubble wrap and protect him, he would, undoubtedly, do it until his final breath, He dug his hands deeper in the pockets of his trousers, rocking up onto the ball of his feet before rolling down onto his heels. “Well, lead the way,” he waited for Joe to turn down the road and fell in step next to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting close to the end guys... Probably one, maybe two chapters more? Feel free to either cheer your celebrations or boo your disappointments at this story finally coming to an end in the comments below!

**Author's Note:**

> Please shout at me in the comments but also come shout at me on tumblr - bohrapbois
> 
> I was serious when I said I'll only update when I write the next chapter, so the louder ya'll shout, the more chapters that'll be. Come and annoy me so I can post more.


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